Saying too little

I helped an interesting patron today who comes into the library fairly regularly. She lives a bit far away and always has late fines on her numerous books, but pays them without an argument. The first few times I had dealt with her I had thought she took life too seriously, judging from her rather solemn demeanour (we humans make instantaneous judgments based on superficial impressions; I'm guilty of doing that more often than I'd like to admit). Just before Christmas I found out, however, that this patron's husband was dying in a downtown hospital, and that she hoped he would make it through the holiday. I overheard her telling my boss about this, just after she had paid another fairly large fine. My boss felt terrible about having taken her money when the woman had a good excuse for not bringing the books back on time, and felt worse for the circumstances she had heard about. Today the patron told me that her husband had passed away.

The odd thing about this patron is that she told me such personal news today (which, for her, has nothing to do with paying her fines because she insists on paying them regardless), but clearly didn't want to say too much, much like the manner in which she mentioned it to my boss before Christmas. I wanted to ask if her husband had made it through the holidays at least, but it quickly became clear to me that there was no room for my question in the silence that followed her serious announcement. Clearly it's up to her to divulge/discuss what she wants on the topic; I mean, she's the one who's suffering the loss of her husband (as a newly married woman, I don't even want to begin to imagine...). I just found her personality to be a strangely balanced combination of private and cathartic, as though she needs to tell people about a very sad and personal thing that's happened to her (in single, demure yet business-like sentences) but doesn't expect a particular reaction from people, or even their sympathy really. I get the impression that this woman has been a very serious person most of her life, but naturally I cannot know that for sure.

I guess the need to reach out, and to unimportant people like circulation desk clerks, can be expressed in many misunderstood ways.

Next, please.